


I'm Going to Die

by BloodStainsBlue



Category: Final Fantasy XII
Genre: But whatever, College!AU, Don't live how he does in this story, It will end a lot worse for you than for him, Just a drabble, M/M, Not too good, Real World!AU, Vaan is stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 08:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5702494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodStainsBlue/pseuds/BloodStainsBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Balthier hates being in Intro to Math in his senior year, but his opinion changes a bit when he sees a way to pretty Freshman drinking a mix of Monster and coffee, and Balthier decides he has to save this boy from death... and maybe bang him along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Going to Die

Balthier hates his life. He’s pretty sure he could not hate it more if he tried. This was his last year in college, but here he is Intro to Mathematics. Like he didn’t know how to add and subtract. He was an English major, not a moron. He supposed this was punishment for pushing off all of intro classes until the last possible second, but still. He was twenty-one years old, and in this class surrounded by eighteen and seventeen years old who’d never lived in a home without their parents before. He sighed and took a big gulp of his iced coffee from the Dunkin’ Donuts on his campus, shivering at the intense sweetness of it. He couldn’t wait to get back to England after he finished school, where he would drink real coffee and real tea that weren’t doused with so much sugar that they could barely be described as the drinks that they were referred to.

            He was doing his best to pretend that no one else existed but him and The Beatles, but that was quickly stopped by a boy sitting next to him, despite all of the open seats available all around them. He removed both of his headphones and looked over at the other boy, who had a coffee in front of him that looked to be about twice the size of his own. He definitely looked like a Freshman—baggy pants and an equally baggy hoodie, which he appeared to currently have up over his head in an attempt to pretend that he wasn’t extremely hungover. He’d known Phi Beta Kappa had held a party the night before, a sort of welcome to the Freshmen (and for many of them, their first time really drinking a substantial amount of alcohol). It was obvious that this was a student who’d done this and hadn’t paced himself at all, and was now suffering the consequences of going to his first class of the day with a hangover. Pretty uneventful, for the most part, even if the boy was much prettier than any he’d seen before.

            He was about to put his headphones back into his ears and return to the world of classic rock from his home country when he was stopped by the boy reaching into his backpack and pulling out an energy drink and pouring about half of it into his iced coffee. He froze in place, looking at the boy and determining that not only was he massively pretty, but just as stupid—he was like a male Playboy bunny. The other boy seemed to notice his stare and flashed him with a large smile, saying, “I’m going to die,” before taking a deep chug of the drink, scrunching his face up at the supposedly vile taste of it.

            Before Balthier could remind himself that he was supposed to be polite, especially to stupid people three or four years his junior, he muttered, “How have you made it this far?”

            The other boy, seeming to take notice of his comment, just chuckled and said, “Dumb luck, really.” Any disdain that Balthier felt for the younger boy seemed to be completely missed upon him, and he began introducing himself. “I’m Vaan! First semester here! You?”

            “Balthier. Second to last semester here,” he said, looking Vaan over and adding on, “No need to tell me that it’s your first semester here—everyone can tell.”

            Vann’s face seemed to fall at that, and he huffed softly, his lips forming the most adorable pout Balthier had ever seen on a male—the older lad made it his mission to find out if Vaan wasn’t maybe born a female or something, or maybe got some work done. “Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” he argued, glaring over at the older man.

            “Look at you: hungover, drinking a coffee-energy drink hybrid, wearing... those,” he muttered, looking Vaan up and down again and saying, “Are you even wearing a shirt under that?”

            “No… I was afraid I was going to be late, so I didn’t bother looking for one,” Vaan admitted, taking another deep chug of the drink. Balthier had to physically resist the urge to take the vile concoction from the younger boy and throw it in the garbage, and instead just scrunching his nose up in disdain. “If you keep living this way, you’re going to drop out or die in about… two weeks,” he predicted, wondering why he’d let this moron rope him into a conversation.

            “Wow. I was kind of hoping for maybe, like… a month? Or two, I would have taken two,” he mused.

            Balthier rolled his eyes and said, “And you’re perfectly okay with this?”

            “Well, I’m not really college material, am I? I already knew that, I’m not all surprised,” he chuckled, finishing off his drink and tossing it into the direction of the garbage.

            “How exactly did you get into this school? It’s not exactly a school you can stumble into,” he pointed out.

            “Scholarship. Basketball,” he answered, rolling his shoulders and groaning as he felt them crack.

            Balthier nodded slowly, unable to respond due to the teacher walking in at just the moment that he would have chosen to respond to the stupid underclassman.

XxX

            “And the point that I was trying to make before I got a little off-topic is that this is the most stupid boy I have ever encountered in my life,” Balthier finished, stirring his cup of black tea with a soft sigh.

            Fran nodded slowly, drumming her overly long nails down against the desk, taking a sip of her own milkshake. “And you’re completely hooked on him, aren’t you?” she teased, a catlike smile gracing her lips.

            “Absolutely not! He’s a moron and he just stood out to me because I thought he was going to have a heart attack right in front of me!” he argued, blowing on his hot tea before taking a dainty sip, not even flinching at the way the tea scalded his tongue.

            “And you want to save him, right? Show him the ropes of college and make sure that he doesn’t die? Maybe lasts longer than two weeks?” she teased.

            Balthier shook his head, but he knew there was no point arguing. Fran knew everything—even if you didn’t know it about yourself, she knew it about you. He was pretty sure she was a psychic mind-reader or something. It was the only excuse that she had for knowing everything about everyone. “He was very pretty,” he conceded, shrugging and chuckling as he looked down into his tea.

            “Oh? What kind of pretty?” she asked, a smirk on her face brought about by her slight victory.

            “Like… like he looks like a girl. I’m pretty sure he’s a girl,” he chuckled, sighing softly and saying, “I should invite him to our townhouse next time I see him.”

            “Do you think he’s gay?” she asked, looking at the time and standing up, throwing her bag over her shoulder.

            “What kind of man do you think I am? I don’t just want to have sex with him,” he argued, downing the last of his tea and standing next to her.

            “Well—you do, don’t you?” she asked.

            “Yeah. Kind of. A lot,” he conceded, following her out of the dining hall.

XxX

            When Vaan came to class the next day, Balthier looked over and saw another gigantic cup of coffee, and he groaned softly. At least he was dressed better, wearing a normal pair of pants that looked to be his size and a t-shirt for some band that he liked—much more respectable than whatever monstrosity had graced his form two days ago. “Please tell me you’ll drink that without Monster this time,” he chuckled, looking over at the young man with a smirk.

            Vaan looked over at Balthier, seemingly surprised that the man had addressed him first this time. “Yeah, I was planning on skipping that this time around,” he said, just taking a sip of his coffee.

            “You’re learning. Exciting,” he hummed, looking Vaan over again, musing that he looked even better now that Balthier could see what his body looked like.

            Vaan nodded and said, “Well, you seem like a good teacher. I mean—you’ve made it this far, right? Also, you’re, like, British or something, which automatically makes you smarter than I will ever be.”

            Balthier nodded as if Vaan had made a good point and said, “Well, I try. I would hate to see someone as cute as you burn out in the first week of school.”

            Vaan’s cheeks pinked just a bit, and Balthier wondered if it was possible for him to look any cuter than he did in that moment. “Are you, like… coming onto me?” he asked, raising an eyebrow and gently biting his bottom lip.

            “Depends. If I asked you to come check out where I live, would you be creeped out?” he asked with a smirk, raising an eyebrow with a proud smirk.

            “Um… where do you live?”

            “A townhouse. I share it with a few friends—but unlike you, I do have a room all to myself,” he offered.

            “A single room,” Vaan mused, looking over at Balthier and saying, “Will you teach me a little more about college life?”

            “Much, much more,” Balthier purred.

            “I’m free after this class.”

            “Excellent. So am I. Finish your coffee Vaan—I’d hate to see you get burnt out before any fun begins.”

            From how fast Vaan chugged his coffee, it seemed like that wouldn’t be a problem.

**Author's Note:**

> I think this is cute. I don't know. Don't try this at home, you will die.


End file.
